One Of Those Days.

Today has been hard. It’s been full of so many emotions that I find it hard to process, and I feel I need to write it down. You know? Just one of those days where you’ve been filled with so much you literally just want to run and hide? I want to run, and I want to hide, on my own, in a dark room.

Lately I feel I’ve been losing my temper with Finlay so much, and I do raise my voice, but today it all got too much and he again wouldn’t listen to me asking him to stop, and looking at me with the “I know I’m being naughty, but I’m going to do it anyway.” Typical toddler I know, but today, not all being his fault, a mixture of things and I lost it, and I marched his little bottom into his bedroom and closed the door. Only for about 30 seconds before I re opened it, and then I crumbled. Into a crying mess on my hallway floor, I felt awful, I don’t know why I did it, as soon as I shut the door I regretted it, and he looked at me with his sweet dairylea stained face, and sat down next to me and started to chatter on, and I felt so so so bad, what an awful mother. I felt yet again that I had failed at this whole parenting thing, and that he didn’t deserve me as a mother, he deserved more.

Sometimes days get so difficult, and I do lose it more than I should, and I hate myself for that, but I am trying so very very hard to be a better parent. My boys are my world, they mean everything to me and I would do anything for their happiness, but lately with Finlay playing up I cant help but ask myself, is this my fault, or is it just a typical two year old stage? I have no idea, but I really hope it’s the latter. I need to make more time for him, and not lose my temper so easily. I’ve found it hard adjusting and juggling two very young children, and that’s not their fault, and I need to remind myself that I need to be more patient, more understanding.

With that being said I know I’m only human, I know I will have more days where I feel like I can’t do it, and I know that I will pick myself up, shake it off and strive to be better. I needed to write this, I needed to tell myself that no it’s not ok to lose my temper, but it is ok to be human, with real emotions and real feelings that will undoubtedly be tested so many times, I need to be more forgiving to myself, and when I slip up, I will learn from it.

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{The Ordinary Moments 16} #4 – Favourites

Ever since Finlay could properly watch TV we’ve gone through different stages of liking different programmes. I’ve never had a problem with Finlay watching TV or playing on the iPad. I know a lot of people don’t like it or only in moderation which I can completely understand and respect. Personally for us, the TV is always on, he loves to watch Disney Junior and watch films and I don’t mind admitting that he does watch it a lot, he’s not glued to it all day, but it’s always on for him to watch.

I can remember his first favourite TV programme was Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. He was obsessed with Mickey and would get so excited about anything to do with him. We had endless amounts of Mickey teddys, toys, clothes and books. I Just find it so sweet for him to have these little characters which he absolutely adores, which then leads me on to this weeks Ordinary Moment.

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One of Jacks favourite Disney films was Toy Story, and it’s safe to say he’s been watching it with Finlay for a long time in the hope that one day he would love it just like he did, even from when he was a tiny baby we would dress him in cute little Woody and Buzz clothes and have always showed him them in the Disney Store which we are massive fans of! He first got into Toy Story a while ago and always demands for me to put it on, we easily watch it twice a day, but lately the love for it has just grown, its by far his favourite film, and for Christmas we bought him both Buzz and Woody, reluctantly as we thought he was a bit young for them, but we couldn’t have been more wrong.

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Buzz especially is absolutely glued to his side each and everyday, and he now even takes them both up to bed with him. It just melts my heart, to see him bond with something like his little toys, they have become a comfort, a little friend, that he chatters away to all day, that he demands share every memory he makes, and to see him laying in bed all tucked up and zonked, with Buzz tucked up just beside him is something that is almost too cute to handle. I just love how something so simple and small, can be such a massive thing in a toddlers eyes, it just completely emphasises the innocence in him and I just never ever want that to go away, although I know it will, its these little memories and phases that are just so special to me.

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A Struggle With Baby Weight Gain

Having a big baby at birth Jacob weighed 9lb exactly, it never even crossed my mind that I would be having this issue. Ever since he was born, he hasn’t been the best drinker, and has always been so fussy when it comes to drinking his milk, up until he was around 9-10 weeks old he would only ever drink 3oz every 4 hours or so, something that I have found quite difficult to deal with. Every feed is a challenge, to the point of tears, and wanting to just give up trying with it as it has just made me worry so much!

I have a health visitor who comes to weigh him every 3 weeks as he has been putting on so little weight, and its really beginning to worry me. I feel I’ve tried everything from the way we feed him, the bottles we feed him with, the different teat sizes, but the only thing we haven’t tried is changing his milk as I don’t want to upset his little tummy. Since about 10 weeks old, he has been taking much better bottles out of no where, he is now taking between 5-7oz every 3-4 hours, and has about 5 bottles a day, however the only way I’m able to get this into him is if we don’t hold him to feed him, we have to lay him flat on our bed or somewhere he can lay without being restricted as he’s so fidgety.

We last had him weighed a week ago, and I was so sure he was putting on a good amount of weight but was completely disheartened at the fact he has only put 5oz on in the last three weeks. He now weighs 12lb 9oz, and I just feel he is so small for his age. I am at a complete loss, and have no idea what or if I’m doing wrong. He is a very happy and content baby who sleeps from 9pm – 7.30am each night, and is hitting each of his development milestones, and both the doctor and health visitor don’t seem too concerned at the moment, but will be doing some tests in a few weeks if nothing has changed.

Please if you’ve had a similar experience or advice in general I would love to hear it, as I really have no idea what else I can do.

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Top Tips For The First Few Weeks With A Newborn

Becoming a mummy for the 2nd time round, has definitely had both pros and cons when it comes to coping. When I had my first little boy Finlay in November 2013, I definitely felt like it overwhelmed me to begin with, I completely didn’t know what to expect and it was definitely more of a guessing game. The health visitors, doctors and even parents told me that I would soon be able to establish different cries for certain newborn needs. That day never came, I just couldn’t ever tell what cry meant what, or even if the cries were different!

However, since having my 2nd child, I have found I’ve coped so much better. I feel so much more relaxed this time round and I feel like I know what I’m doing and when I need to be doing it, and I definitely think with me being more relaxed it has meant Jacob is more relaxed, I mean he sleeps 8.30-7.30, Finlay doesn’t even do that now and I really believe its because I was a bit het up when he was so little.

So how did I cope with those first few weeks with a newborn?

1.Relax and Don’t Panic.

Now I know sometimes this is so much easier said than done, and don’t get me wrong, I’ve had a few times where I’ve been so stressed out. Bonding is so important in these first few weeks, don’t put too much on yourself, don’t expect yourself to be able to be running around with housework and errands in those first few weeks. Sleep when you can, in the spare time that you get just sit on the sofa and watch some TV, if you’re a mum for the 2nd, 3rd, 4th or whatever time, don’t be worrying constantly about running after everyone, the house doesn’t matter, the fact that it’s 3pm and everyone is still in their PJs doesn’t matter. Order take away, or microwave a ready meal. I can safely say the world will not end.

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2. Don’t Hibernate. 

Now I think this is more of a preference, as I know a lot of new mummies that have wanted to stay in their own comfort zone for a while after baby comes, and that’s fine if that’s where you feel best. However for me, too much time in the house drives me nuts, I hate being stuck in the house, even if its just a walk round the block, or going to our parents houses, a change of scenery makes me feel so much better and refreshed, it wont harm baby at all, its actually really good for them to get a bit of fresh air, and also gives you that chance you’ve been waiting for to take out baby in the new pram!

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3. Accept help.

When I had Finlay I was very much “I can do it on my own” minded, and I was so exhausted after giving birth, and in the end it all got a bit much. With Jacob I’ve been so much more relaxed at letting people help me with him, my parents came everyday for about 3 weeks, to help me clean, and cook, and I don’t mind admitting I needed that help. Jack went out to shops for me all the time and again did most of the cleaning for those first couple of weeks, and I am so grateful for them for doing that, I felt I recovered better and my head was in a lot better place for it. Our bodies go through so much giving birth, and you definitely need some help for a while for both your sanity and physical ability!

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4. Baby Preparation

Make sure you have lots of sleepsuits and vests ready for baby when they arrive, as if you’re like me, the washing really wasn’t a priority and I would find myself getting so behind, so having lots of these really put the pressure off, you will soon get on top of it all, but having enough just puts you’re mind at ease. Lots and lots of nappies and wipes! I found buying a pack everytime we went shopping a really good way to stock up, as the last thing you’ll want is to be rushing to a supermarket at silly o’clock to buy them because you’ve just used the last one! I bottle fed both my little ones, so I think stocking up on you’re chosen formula is a good idea too. You’d be surprised at how quickly you go through it, and I’ve found our local shop doesn’t have the whole selection so you would need to go to a bigger supermarket.

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5. Go To Bed Early.

This point is especially true if you have other children about. I find this so difficult as when I put the toddler to sleep, me and Jack use it as our chill out time, watching TV, laptops, whatever it is we used this time for ourselves. However when you’re up multiple times in the night, going to bed at 11 is a bad idea! As I can guarantee the baby will wake you at 4/5 o’clock and your little one will get wake up just as you get the baby settled again! There have been a few night where me and jack have gotten around 3 hours sleep in a 24 hour period, due to baby being a baby, and a toddler who likes to get up rather early!

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A Mixed Birth Story

Even though Jacob is now 3 months old I really felt I wanted to write about his birth. I haven’t been the luckiest when it comes to giving birth, and I feel its really affected me in some ways, and I think writing it down and sharing it would really help me, and perhaps other mums who haven’t been so lucky in the birthing department!

I had been getting really frequent Braxton hicks for a good couple of weeks leading up to my due date, a long with some other labour preparation symptoms such as, a funny tummy, loss of the gruesome mucous plug, my bump dropping, and the baby engaging (although we all know they can do this weeks before the big day!).

Finlay was born on his due date, so I knew this time round it would be really unlikely that this little one would come on his. As my due date came (6th of October).. And went, I entered into the “this baby is never going to come, and I will kill the next person to say I’m ready to pop” mind set, so in order to cheer me up the next evening, Jack decided we would all go for dinner, after all it would probably be the last one as a family of 3! It was a really lovely way to take my mind off the fact that I was bigger than a whale, and just take my mind off of the constant self torture of just waiting for something to happen.

3.30am 7th of October

I woke up around this time every night for about 2 months with just generally being uncomfortable and needing to pee! However, this time, I was woken by an awful pain in my lower stomach just below my bump, and it really is so true when they say “you will know when it starts”. Boy did I know! The pain was bearable, but I just knew that this was it! Off I went downstairs to my sleeping husband (He was sleeping downstairs because pregnancy apparently makes me snore. A lot.) “THIS IS IT!!”.

So between my contractions, which were coming around every 5-10 minutes, I managed to phone the hospital, and begin to get some bits together, and about 30 minutes later I was ready to go! Oh but apparently I just had to wait a bit longer whilst Jack took a shower… WHAT! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?

An hour later we were finally in the car, toddler in tow, making our way to my parents who luckily only live 2 minutes away from the hospital we were heading to. In the car I phoned them (30 times) to let them know we were on our way with Finlay, it took them a while to hear the phone! During the car journey the contractions were getting so strong, and getting really close together, I remember grabbing Jacks hand on the gear stick and just digging my nails into his hand! Poor guy!

We finally arrived at the delivery suite about 4.45am, to which we were greeted by a midwife who then showed us to our room. Am I the only one who really hates hospital rooms? I find them so eerie! By this point I’m barely able to stand, but sitting down seemed to hurt so much more! I was then asked by a midwife to follow her so she could weigh me. At this point no one had checked how far a long I was and I kept kidding myself that the contractions were further apart than they actually were, it was on the way back to the room the midwife said “they seem quite close together”. I think I’d done well by this point, it was painful beyond belief but I wasn’t screaming for the epidural like last time! I had spent about 5 minutes back in the room, when I suddenly got the urge to push, I told (screamed at) Jack to go get the midwife, to which she finally checked to see how I was doing. “Ah no wonder you need to push, 9cm and the only thing holding baby back is your waters”. I can honestly not explain how amazing that feels, I had been there 30 minutes and was about to have a baby! I really had prepared myself for the long haul as Fin took 12 hours to come, so to be in labour for 2 hours really was a bonus!

The pushing part was really quite easy, but this is when I was finally given gas and air – I was so chuffed I’d gotten that far without a single thing! He got a little stuck, I think they called it Shoulder Dystocia, but it was just for a second, and then he was out, I’m sure it was so much quicker because I didn’t have the epidural, and it was better in a way to be able to feel whether my pushing was doing anything, unlike last time where I was pushing but it wasn’t really doing much. My beautiful baby boy finally entered the world at 5.43am weighing 9lb exactly! It is so true when they say the pain just completely goes, that awful, excruciating pain just gone like that! Me and Jack both cried this time, I think it was because he could see how painful it was this time, where as last time, I had had the epidural so it was relatively calm and quiet. It was such an amazing and just perfect birth.

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And then came the terrifying part. I was bleeding again, and I could see the same old familiar face of panic on the midwifes face set in, and before I knew it there were around 8 people in the room. Jacob was quickly whisked off of me and given to Jack, who bless his heart looked in shock, and I had two anaesthetists on each arm trying desperately to get some cannulas in before my veins shut down, the midwife just frantically rubbing my stomach, I was given 3 injections into my thighs, and given a pessary, all in attempt to get my uterus to contract back. Something it should do on its own after the placenta is delivered. After this part it all gets hazy, and all I can remember is being rushed into theatre and a midwife holding my hand telling me that it was going to be ok and that Jacob was fine, and then I was out. I had to be taken to theatre to clear some blood clots to stop the bleeding and get sewn up. I was out for a couple of hours and then woke up in the recovery room, and although it was completely under control, and they had me in theatre within 15 minutes, it was scary. You cant help but go over the what ifs, and I get so sad that yet again I wasn’t able to give my baby his first feed, or get that important picture together just after birth. I missed the first 2/3 hours of his life, and that’s something I struggle with.

I can only imagine how Jack felt whilst all this was happening but he was so supportive, and just got on with looking after Jacob. I think being thrown in like that can be so daunting, especially as no one was really helping him with all the commotion going on! He was amazing!

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This is my first photo with Jacob. I’m the size of a whale due to all the fluid they had to pump into me to replace the blood, and I felt like I’d undergone 10 rounds of plastic surgery simultaneously, but despite all of that, it was worth every single second.

To the midwife that held my hand until I fell asleep – Thank you. A lot of NHS staff don’t get enough credit, but to you, I cannot thank you enough for not only delivering my baby, but for being a hand to hold, and the voice of reassurance in one of the scariest moments of my life.

Jacob Mcloughlin | 9lb | 5.43am

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{The Ordinary Moments 16} #3 – Our Ordinary

I don’t know about anyone else but as soon as one person becomes poorly in our household, it’s suddenly just a downwards spiral until we have all been taken down by the lurgy! This time I was first, then Jack, and now Fin. When you’re poorly the last thing you want to do is have to run around after the hyper toddler, and meet the demands of a baby. It’s tough enough when you’re at your best, let alone when you feel you cant physically look after yourself!

Which is why we are so lucky to have such supportive parents, and both sets offered to have one child each for the night! Fin went to Jacks parents and Jacob went to mine. We were so grateful and I felt so much better for one day not having to worry about endless nappy changes, bottles, lunches, dinners, having to constantly tell the toddler to get off of the windowsill (atleast 10 times a day). Instead we were able to just lay on the sofa and catch up on rubbish TV, I even managed to have a bath at about 6pm!! Unheard of! It was just nice to relax.

However as much as not having the children around is nice at times, especially when you’re ill. Its quiet, too quiet. There is just something about having children in the house that suddenly makes it become a home. Yes, my house becomes a playground, and the show home I would like, is more to the standard of a grubby looking soft play area, but its my home, our home. It’s a place filled with memories such as first steps, first words, first smiles. Although the idea of sitting on my sofa watching Netflix is beyond a dream, where’s the meaning? Where’s my reason? My washing pile is never ending, it overflows daily, but where would I be without getting my babies into their adorable little pyjamas and co-ordinating outfits each day? My walls would be crisp, and the paint would never be scratched, my carpets would be the same colour as the day they were fitted, and I wouldn’t have to dodge bath toys during my relaxing bath. But I like the red stains on my wall from my toddler driving his cars up and down it, I like the little stain from where my toddler decides chocolate hand prints would look really good there, and I like that I stare at bath toys in my relaxing bath because I see his face, the face of wonder and innocence, the face that learns from everything he touches, the face of pure happiness.

A break is more than welcomed from time to time, but each time it happens, I miss them. Although they are only gone for one night, my home becomes just a house, the meaning in my day suddenly becomes irrelevant, and that’s when you realise what being a parent is. They are my reason, and although our house, and our family are just like any other ordinary family. It is our ordinary, and to me that makes them so wonderfully extraordinary.

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A Little Tour Of Finlays Bedroom

I love reading these posts and seeing all the different ways parents have decorated their little ones rooms, so I thought I would give it a go and show you all Finlays little bedroom (which we have decorated about 20 times). I am just never happy and always have different ideas of how I would like it!

I will do one of Jacobs Nursery soon, but for now it is covered with junk as its currently unused with Jacob still being in our room!

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I love the Giraffe wall sticker we’ve put in! Its from Next and matches most things in his room!

Cot bed from Mothercare
Bedding from Tesco

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I still haven’t gotten around to filling these gorgeous frames from Mothercares Tusk range! I love them and they go really well with the Jungle theme we were going for! We painted these little shelves ourselves from The Range.
Canvases from Next.

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We have built in wardrobes in all four of the bedrooms which is so handy and really saves space. However we haven’t gotten around to replacing the doors on them and they are so ugly to look at! Hopefully a job for this year!

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I think this candle is absolutely adorable! My mum bought both Fin and Jacob one, they smell just like babies! Everybody the loves the smell of babies!

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When Fin was born, which was November 13, my aunty bought him a Harrods bear for Christmas! I love it and think its such a beautiful gift for him to keep always. She’s also just bought Jacob one for his first Christmas!

The photo frame actually has Finlays hand print next to the photo and I think it was from Mothercare! It was given to me as a gift when he was born and I think its just so lovely and personal!

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Finlay sleeps with his Jellycat bunny that his nanny bought for him when he was a tiny baby! He loves it, I think they are just so cute!

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This is by far my favourite part of Fins room! I absolutely love these wall stickers which we got from Ebay! They were so cheap (around £8) and they are absolutely huge!

I absolutely love to decorate the boys rooms and buy just little bits and pieces! I’m sure we’ll have a different theme come next year!

Chloe

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