It seems more often than not lately I’ve felt overwhelmed by lots of different things. I think its a mix of the boys getting older which means that the two of them together can seem a bit of handful. However I think I have to blame that at times I just feel extremely unmotivated and just plain lazy. I’ve felt for a while now that I don’t do enough with my boys, getting them out of the house or just generally playing with them in the day.
I feel like these two boys of mine are growing in the blink of an eye, and I definitely don’t feel I appreciate every second as much as I perhaps should. Don’t get me wrong I try. I tell myself every single day to do more, and appreciate my time more with the boys, but I really really struggle with that sometimes. It’s not that I don’t want to, because of course I do, but on the same hand, I am tired. Really bloody tired sometimes. I’m tired of house work, I’m tired of making sure the 3 meals a day are as good as possible (which often result as fish fingers and chips), I’m tired of being climbed all over, and my hair being tugged. Motherhood is not glamorous I’ll give you that. By the end of the day I remember I haven’t drank or been for a wee in probably around 12 hours. I’m tired of saying no and repeating every single sentence near on 20 times, I’m tired of washing, and fighting a baby that doesn’t understand why I want to change his nappy (I’m sorry darling but its not massively fun to me either).
All these things are just examples of what occurs on a daily basis, and they sound like minor complaints, and that’s because they are. It only becomes tiring because it’s what happens day in and day out, and when you’re feeling pretty bloody tired anyway, due to being a human being, then these minor things can seem endless tiresome pains in the arse.
I’ve seen a lot recently on social media of people perhaps insinuating that parents don’t appreciate their children enough because some of these people choosing to use a voice. A lot of these posts have nothing to do with appreciating children, nor does it ever come into a parents head that they don’t love or care for their children.
I really do understand that there are people in the world that aren’t fortunate to have children, and I cannot even begin to imagine that heart break, nor would I ever ever intend to offend anyone who couldn’t have children of their own. I don’t even feel that really comes into it when I’m complaining about being tired or fed up that day. However I think what parents are trying to do is let it out, let other parents know its completely ok to not be on the parenting game 1000% of the time, no one is perfect, no one can have a solid instagram worthy day every single day.
I let my child have a lolly as part of his breakfast this morning. Am I proud of that? Of course not, but what I am proud of is the fact that no matter what, I will always be here when they need me, I am raising them the way I believe is right for them, I am trying my best even at my worst, and despite anything that’s thrown in my way, I will ALWAYS put my children first. Surely that’s got to count for something when I’m having a tough day?
Today I took my boys to the park, went to get a cupcake and came home to watch films. Today I had a good day. Don’t get me wrong I still get pretty miffed about the hair grabbing and endless housework, but it isn’t as intensified when you have a good day is it? I will treasure my boys until I am no more, but I will also always let out the odd swear word under my breath when I cant be arsed. Parenthood hey?
Also whilst at the park I managed to take some pretty beautiful (not far off being pinterest worthy, but not quite) photos of these boys of mine, but I want anyone who sees these photos to not be fooled. For these are just happy moments captured in the whirl wind that is my life with my two beautiful yet feisty little boys, who I will love unconditionally even if at 40 I have no hair left!