Saying It As It Is

It seems more often than not lately I’ve felt overwhelmed by lots of different things. I think its a mix of the boys getting older which means that the two of them together can seem a bit of handful. However I think I have to blame that at times I just feel extremely unmotivated and just plain lazy. I’ve felt for a while now that I don’t do enough with my boys, getting them out of the house or just generally playing with them in the day.

I feel like these two boys of mine are growing in the blink of an eye, and I definitely don’t feel I appreciate every second as much as I perhaps should. Don’t get me wrong I try. I tell myself every single day to do more, and appreciate my time more with the boys, but I really really struggle with that sometimes. It’s not that I don’t want to, because of course I do, but on the same hand, I am tired. Really bloody tired sometimes. I’m tired of house work, I’m tired of making sure the 3 meals a day are as good as possible (which often result as fish fingers and chips), I’m tired of being climbed all over, and my hair being tugged. Motherhood is not glamorous I’ll give you that. By the end of the day I remember I haven’t drank or been for a wee in probably around 12 hours. I’m tired of saying no and repeating every single sentence near on 20 times, I’m tired of washing, and fighting a baby that doesn’t understand why I want to change his nappy (I’m sorry darling but its not massively fun to me either).

All these things are just examples of what occurs on a daily basis, and they sound like minor complaints, and that’s because they are. It only becomes tiring because it’s what happens day in and day out, and when you’re feeling pretty bloody tired anyway, due to being a human being, then these minor things can seem endless tiresome pains in the arse.

I’ve seen a lot recently on social media of people perhaps insinuating that parents don’t appreciate their children enough because some of these people choosing to use a voice. A lot of these posts have nothing to do with appreciating children, nor does it ever come into a parents head that they don’t love or care for their children.

I really do understand that there are people in the world that aren’t fortunate to have children, and I cannot even begin to imagine that heart break, nor would I ever ever intend to offend anyone who couldn’t have children of their own. I don’t even feel that really comes into it when I’m complaining about being tired or fed up that day. However I think what parents are trying to do is let it out, let other parents know its completely ok to not be on the parenting game 1000% of the time, no one is perfect, no one can have a solid instagram worthy day every single day.

I let my child have a lolly as part of his breakfast this morning. Am I proud of that? Of course not, but what I am proud of is the fact that no matter what, I will always be here when they need me, I am raising them the way I believe is right for them, I am trying my best even at my worst, and despite anything that’s thrown in my way, I will ALWAYS put my children first. Surely that’s got to count for something when I’m having a tough day?

Today I took my boys to the park, went to get a cupcake and came home to watch films. Today I had a good day. Don’t get me wrong I still get pretty miffed about the hair grabbing and endless housework, but it isn’t as intensified when you have a good day is it? I will treasure my boys until I am no more, but I will also always let out the odd swear word under my breath when I cant be arsed. Parenthood hey?

Also whilst at the park I managed to take some pretty beautiful (not far off being pinterest worthy, but not quite) photos of these boys of mine, but I want anyone who sees these photos to not be fooled. For these are just happy moments captured in the whirl wind that is my life with my two beautiful yet feisty little boys, who I will love unconditionally even if at 40 I have no hair left!

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Chloe x

 

My Top 5 Ways To Amuse The Kids

I seem to always get stuck with what to do with my little brood to keep them amused and content, as if I’m being honest, Finlay especially is a child that very much needs constant stimulation if not he begins to get a little bored, fed up, and ends up being a bit naughty in order to get that attention, I’m not sure if it’s a first child thing? Jacob is very happy to just potter around amusing himself with his toys etc, but I absolutely love to get out and take them places so we can do different activities to keep them both amused, but lets be honest, you cannot go out every single day, and at times I’m afraid my little darlings will just have to be bored. Even though that does mean I end up suffering the cabin fever consequences!

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I thought I would put together some things I love to do with my two littles when we have spare time in case you feel in a similar situation to me in that, most days, you just cannot think of anything to do.

Soft Play

I think this one is a given for most parents who are stuck for ideas on what to do with their littles for a couple of hours, but I must say it’s a goodun! I find soft play (although unbelievably stressful at times) a god send. It’s perfect for a rainy day, the kids have so much fun running around like wild animals, it diminishes cabin fever, and at the end of it they are absolutely shattered (including us). This is definitely my top go to on a rainy day!

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The Garden Centre

Our local garden centre is called Dobbies, and I must admit I am guilty of being there 2-3 times a week sometimes, but it is linked to a Tesco Extra so that’s ok.. I am ‘doing the shopping’ too. Although I am in there far too often, the kids absolutely love it, and I find it a great way to get them out of the house. They have a little café in their with a play area which sorts them kiddie lunch times out that I can never be bothered to do (does anybody else find making 3 meals a day tedious? Don’t Judge!), but not only that, they sell fish, and rabbits which makes for a great mini aquarium visit and a coo over the fluffy rabbits.

The Park – Going For A Walk

This is fab for when the weather is a little nicer, we haven’t been to the park since well before Christmas as its been a bit wet, and the days its usually dry and nice, I am probably at work, so I cannot wait for more settled/warmer weather so I can take the kids out to the park or up to Sandringham where we can walk and play for a few hours. There’s nothing better than fresh air, Finlay absolutely loves the park and walking around exploring, he gets so excited. Jacob is only just starting to get a bit steadier on his feet so i’m hoping as Spring comes in he will be able to walk about rather than being lugged about or in his pushchair bless him!

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Baking

If I’m honest, our baking is nothing to wow, it’s usually just a pre-made cupcake mix from Tesco. I have also been known to buy the fairy cakes from there and just decorate those. Either way Finlay loves to make and decorate them. He loves mixing the mixture, adding the ingredients and just generally being involved in it all. Such a simple way to break up or day which is definitely needed at times!

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Local Farm

This one again, is for when the weather brightens up a little, but our local farm is brilliant for Fin & Jacobs age. Walking around looking at all of the different animals, having a run around, going on the ride on tractors, playing in the soft play area, they even have trampolines! It’s not the cheapest way to amuse the kids but its definitely a good one, you can spend quite a while at these sorts of places so it can really pass the time.

 

I find these Winter months so difficult in terms of amusing my littles, but I don’t think I’m alone in saying that. I just find it so much harder to think of indoor activities, especially lately as it has been SO cold! Here’s to longer days and warmer weather!

Chloe x

 

 

Our Christmas 2016

I cant believe we’re already in the middle of January! Its taken me so long to finally get around to sorting my photos and footage from Christmas, with all that life entails on a day to day basis!

This year we hosted Christmas at our house as we’ve just had our garage converted to a kitchen/dining room, so we now have more than enough space for both our families to come over which was lovely. I just absolutely love being with the whole family at Christmas, it makes it so special to spend the days with them & the children. Our two are the youngest by quite a bit in our family so I think it brings the magic back into it for everyone!

Finlay is 3 now, and this year he was SO excited about the whole thing. I felt he really started to get an understanding of what was going on & understanding the magic in Christmas. Of course he was super excited about anything to do with the word presents, although he actually loved opening them more than the actual toys? I blame those ridiculous YouTube videos he watches on repeat (does anyone elses child watch people unwrapping kinder eggs by the way? It’s actually a thing!!). This year though, presents aside, he absolutely loved spending so much time with his whole family, he just loves all the attention, people to play with, talk to, he’s very much a family boy & I love to watch it.

Jacob however, as he is still so little didn’t have a clue bless him and is still very much at the give him a cardboard box and he’s done for the day age. Again though it’s so lovely to see him with all the family getting lots of attention and people to play with all the time, I cant wait to see him next year when I think he’ll really begin to get into it all.

As much as I do adore Christmas, I’m always ready at the end of it to begin our New Year with a new outlook & get back into a routine!

Here are our photos from our Christmas, I also managed to vlog our Christmas too!

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Chloe x

ARE YOU READY TO BECOME A PARENT?

I think this question has to be one the most asked questions before or even during pregnancy. I find this question extremely hard to answer, as I believe there are so so so many factors every first time parent considers when making the decision to try for a baby, or even considers them once they find out they’re pregnant (& for the next 9 months – 18 years).

I am a ‘young mum’. There’s no doubt about that fact, I am 23 years old and have a 2 year old and 4 month old. I understand that it’s a very young age to have two children, and trust me I get the label a lot, which is fine because it is true. The only thing that bothers me about being put into this so called ‘catergory’ is that I think people assume that just because I am young means that I wasn’t ready, or I am naïve about how difficult it is having two young children. Which then leads me to my ultimate question.

Are you ready to become a parent?

No. I wasn’t. Materialistically speaking, yes I was completely, I had everything I needed, I had everything I wanted for my new little bundle of joy. Emotionally? I mean I had done all research physically possible, I’d looked up every single bit of information I thought I’d ever need to absolutely nail this whole parenting thing. However once the baby was born, I realised just how much I wasn’t expecting. I knew the nights would be tough, but not that tough. I knew my baby would cry a lot when he needed feeding/changing/burping etc, but I didn’t anticipate that he would just cry for the sake of crying, and for a long time too. I know our lives would change forever, but I just never anticipated just really how much they would, I mean having a newborn baby is pretty much a house bound scenerio. I knew it would be expensive, I knew I would need to buy lots and lots of nappies and formula. However I didn’t consider just how much I would spend at Christmas and birthdays, and as for my wardrobe? Goodbye Topshop, hello Tesco F&F! I’ve heard a lot of people say how their kids are so much better dressed than they are, and I can confirm that this is true.

But is all of that really because of my age? We were married, we owned a house, we had good jobs with a good income, we had a huge support system, so why shouldn’t I have made the decision with my husband to start a family, just because I was young?

Yes I could’ve gone travelling, and I could’ve continued going out every weekend. However, to me and my husband, none of that even comes close to what we have now. The nights out, and carefree lifestyle, to me are nothing to what I feel for my two little boys. The love I feel for them, the sheer enjoyment of dressing them in nice clothing, the fun we have at Christmas and family holidays, the weekends spent at Farmer Freds, or some other animal/soft play attraction, their faces at Christmas and birthdays. They are what really matter in my life.

I genuinely don’t believe no matter what age you are, nothing, and I mean you can go to every NCT class going, read every book, but until that baby comes, I really don’t believe anything will ever prepare you, not only for how truly difficult it is, but how utterly amazing it is too.

Chloe x

How do you cope with a ‘Threenager’?

Ok.. so towards the end of 2016, my biggest little one had become a little on the difficult(beyond ruthless) side. Fingers crossed since Christmas has gone he seems to have gone back to his old ways, but I wont hold my breath just yet.

During this time however both me and my husband were at a point where we literally did not know what to do, from the naughty step not working, to threatening Father Christmas wouldn’t come, just absolutely nothing seemed to work, and he to be quite honest just wasn’t bothered about any discipline method we tried. I wanted to write this post not for me to reflect on or anything to do with us really, but to perhaps help another parent who feels they are failing at every single aspect of parenting. I have been in that dark hole so many times, and it can feel like the loneliest, most self destructive place, but I want to reassure anyone who may be reading this and feel the same that my gosh you are not alone in the slightest.

I don’t feel I can help you in terms with how to overcome it, because I don’t know. I tried what felt like everything through this point. From ignoring the behaviour, explaining why certain things weren’t acceptable, raising my voice, the naughty step, taking away things such as toys, I even got to a point one day where I shut him in his room, now it was only for a second whilst I stood outside the door, and the guilt I felt was just unreal, but I was at my lowest, and I think desperation sometimes kicks in a bit, and you can lose sense of rationality.

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I think the best way to cope with all these behavioural stages that these littles seem to go through endlessly is to remember you are only human, everybody copes differently, we all have different ways of parenting that not necessarily everyone agrees with, but if its working for you, don’t be judged, and don’t let a comment knock you. You are your childs parent and you know what is best for them.

This phase has by far been the most testing. I thought ‘terrible twos’ was bad, but then my little got smarter, and somewhat fearless! Everything from not listening to a single thing anyone says, laughing at being told off (that really pushes the buttons), jumping on every bit of furniture we own, not eating meals – this is still ongoing and beyond tiring, pushing his brother, and refusing to share, it has just seemed an endless cycle, and I think what makes it a bit worse is that he was only like it with us, not grandparents, or at nursery, we’d get the “he’s been an angel” comment, and it felt like our heads were imploding! What? Do we imagine it? Does he hate us? What are we doing so wrong?

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But the bottom line is we aren’t doing it wrong, he doesn’t hate us, and we are not imagining it. He’s a child. He’s growing and learning every single day, yes he will have these phases, it doesn’t make them any easier when you’re in the peak of one, but they will come out of it in their own time, and as parents we just cope and get through them.

Being a parent is HARD, really bloody hard. But at the same time it’s the single best thing I have ever ever achieved in my life. My little ‘threenager’ past all of the attitude and naughtiness, is the sweetest, most caring, clever little man. I couldn’t possible explain my love for him. I think I need to stop trying to work these things out, because there is no answer, no solution. It’s a part of parenthood, and one I feel very grateful be a part of.

 

Here’s to the next sodding phase!

Chloe x

 

 

2017 GOALS

So its been a long time since I wrote on here, and to be honest last year was just a write off in terms of my blog. We just had so much going on and my blog just had to take a back seat because of it, but I am really determined to stick to it this year as I love the blogging world, it’s just such a good way to talk about life when you need to, and the blogging community has a way of comforting you when you most need it.

So here is my first post of 2017! My list of goals I really want to achieve this year.

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Get Organised!

Since having two little people to look after, my memory has become somewhat filled with everyday thoughts such as did I turn off the iron? which child needs feeding next? where did I put the god damn nappies? (the amount I use them, I really shouldn’t forget the next day where I put them) but I do! Then before I know it I’ve forgotten a probably really important appointment. I actually forgot about Jacobs jabs appointment but blamed it on the husband for taking my car keys with him to work.. So this one really is TOP & I need to get my bum in gear with it!

Commit to my blog

Like I said above, last year was a right off for committing to anything really, so I’m hoping this year will a bit less hectic so that I can really start to commit some time into blogging, I want to grow it, and make it something to be proud of, I want it to be a space to share not just the good things in life, but also the DAILY (minutely) struggles with having a little threenager & 1 year old who is everywhere..

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Have more patience

I hate to admit it, but when it comes to the boys I have zero patience, and I cannot stand it. I love my boys to bits, and they are really good, but lately they’ve gotten on top of me a little and I’ve not been giving them enough time. I really need to play with them more because I can already see how much they are growing and its terrifying, I NEED to spend more quality time with them rather than tidying, being on my phone or whatever else I’m doing. They are my number one and so I need to pull it together and make it more obvious!

Date nights

Now, unfortunately that poor husband of mine lacks any attention from me what so ever, he is absolutely amazing, and I love him beyond words, but I have seriously neglected any attention to him, so we really need to start spending more quality time together, going out for meals just us, which I think I can probably count on one hand the amount of times  we’ve done in the last 14 months.

Be more social

I don’t know what it is, but I’ve been like it since I can remember. When it comes to going anywhere with social interaction, it makes me really anxious, to a point where I seem really up my own, and I’m not in the slightest, but speaking to new people is something that makes me quite anxious, which then I seem to give off a “don’t talk to me” vibe, but I don’t mean it, I would love nothing more than to have a chat with new people, whether it be at soft play, work or even the bloody supermarket!

Get out of the house

Since having Jacob I’ve been a bit housebound when I’m on my own, the thought of going into a public space on my own with both kiddies in tow terrifies me slightly as it can go either way, the pinterest way or the beginning of an apocalypse. Usually the latter at the moment, but I need to keep going and do more things because to be honest my poor boys don’t get out enough, I just need to suck it up and deal with it!

So there are my 6 main goals for 2017, and I really hope I am able to stick to them, I need a bit of good change this year!

Happy New Year!

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Chloe x

LIFE WITH TWO.

When I was pregnant with Jacob, I found it really hard running after a toddler, I was so tired and just had zero patience with Finlay the whole time. I have never enjoyed being pregnant, even with Finlay, I have always found it just takes it completely out of me and I struggled to do much with both of them through lack of energy and being the size of a whale. So being pregnant with Jacob, and struggling so much had me worrying day and night about how hard it was going to be with having a newborn and a toddler. Surely it’s just a given that having a newborn and a toddler is so much harder than being pregnant and with a toddler? Much to my relief and surprise, I couldn’t have felt better. Once that baby arrived I instantly felt so much better. Of course I was beyond exhausted, but its a different kind of exhausted, and of course it’s had its really really tough parts, but I can honestly say that I haven’t found it very hard at all.

When Finlay was born, the shock of being a first time mum hit me like big fat bus. I mean to be honest I didn’t know what I was doing, I didn’t know if one cry meant he was hungry or if the other meant he had wind, and  all I did was worry something was wrong with him because according to google he was 1 week late crawling, and that cough he had was obviously whooping cough because the bloody NHS website told me it was after typing into google “5 month old nasty cough with temp”, it was a cold, a very simple cold, I know what colds look like, I get them all the time, but there is just something about being a first time mum that sends you into crazy-obviously-a-medical-expert mode. I felt like I was drowning for a while, and just couldn’t get to the surface for air. There were so many times where we had the brief “what. have. we. done.” moment, but it never took away from all the fantastic times you get to experience with that first child, all those first times. Nothing can ever change the love you have for that baby, no amount of worry, crying, dirty nappies, endless feeding sessions, could ever change just how much you can love that little devil.

So when Jacob was born, I felt I was prepared (slightly terrified still), but prepared. I had done this before, I knew what to do, and I felt relaxed. Despite having the birth from hell again, I felt so much better this time after it, I bounced back so much easier, and I was able to enjoy those first few days so much more because I wasn’t constantly worrying like I used to with Fin. That’s not to say its been a walk in the park with Jacob at all. He has been a completely different ball game. With Finlay you used to feed him and he would gulp it all down and that would be that, but with Jacob for love nor money can we get him to be held to have a bottle, I have to lay him down flat or in his chair to feed him and have done this since around 8 weeks. He has been a nightmare with gaining weight because he just hated his milk, I’ve got no idea why, but we have had to fight to feed him, every. single feed. Now, had this happened with Finlay I would’ve been to the doctor every day, and cried constantly. Where as with Jacob even though there has been some frustration and worrying, I am so much more relaxed about it all and much more able to ‘wait and see’ rather than rushing up to the doctor at any moment.

We get days where sometimes it all gets a bit much, with both toddler and baby wanting things at the exact same time, or both being over tired, or in just a bit of a grump, and when we get a day like that, it can be the ultimate testing/breaking point. I have learnt to just go with the flow and not stress if one of them is crying whilst I deal with the other. If it isn’t a complete disaster, they will be ok for a few minutes whilst I do what I need to do. When you have that first child, in your head at times all they seem to do is cry and never sleep, but I can honestly say that compared to a toddler, you do not know they are there!

Whilst some days are extremely challenging and tiring, the memories we make as a family of four and seeing my two little boys grow together and bond, just completely over takes the bad days, and I am so grateful for them, for showing me how to be better. I love them with every ounce of love I have to give, and would do it all over again in a flash.

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